Obstreperous Sewer Obstructions

Sabah, Lorcan, Dominic, Vin, and Peb had just returned all the way from Hindmarsh the night before.  While Lorcan, Dominic, and Vin were quiet about it, Sabah and Peb were at the long table relaying the tale of fighting the bullywugs, and also about going to the gladiator arena to watch the main combatants flail cluelessly about the fighting pit.

Nohea was nowhere to be seen, off with Arnari to the Bardic competition in Three Rivers.  Lorcan and Hanno sat quietly at the other end of the table, listening; and Vin was at a smaller table.  He smiled when Peb reiterated his amazement at having good friends here.  But at that moment, a nekomata appeared in the doorway, dressed in leathers, with a backpack and a sturdy walking staff.  He was as fluffy as Maghris, snow-white hair sticking up in tufts through gaps in his garb, and appeared at a loss when the breakfasting Freelancers stopped and stared at him.

"I'm Fulo," he said a bit awkwardly, "and am interested in Nature, and magical items."  Hanno and Lorcan looked at each other, and rose.  "You'll need to talk to Tomtom, then," Hanno told him.

Peb rose too, and they brought Fulo to Tomtom's office, unaware the nekomata had actually just come from there.  Peb looked around with interest at the weapons on the wall.  An armour stand was in the corner with full plate, and a shield leaned against it, emblazoned with the Freelancers device.  Between the armour stand and the desk was a large mastiff named Bucky; Hanno beelined for him to give him scritches.

Tomtom, a human with squared shoulders, short blond hair, and blue eyes, was wearing a chain shirt with a longsword at his side.  He had some stacks of paper on his desk; they looked like Arnari's mission papers, which he was valiantly trying to organize.  As the Freelancers sat down (Hanno on the floor next to Bucky), he glanced at them and the papers, trying to match them.  He glanced at Fulo a couple times.

Tomtom pressed his lips together, and murmured, "There's a mission to recheck the grblin warcamp north of Marshfork, but... if you get hurt I'm afraid Arnari will actually murder me."  The Freelancers deputy straightened.

Tomtom:  there's also the two 'standard' missions:  pollution, and hippogryph eggs, if you are interested I will go into the details.
Tomtom:  also two others.  One, follow up on a Wymar mission, where a press gang was captured.  He got some info from them, even though they were closed-mouthed.  He found out about where Klepperich's boss is located, sort of; the mission is confirm & locate.  100gp/person.
Lorcan:  does Wymar still have this person?
Tomtom:  this person is still in custody; but by the guard, pending skylith exile.
Peb:  is there another mission?
Tomtom:  Lizzie Brannan, one of the Cliffshadow deputies, would like to investigate a recalcitrant blockage in the sewers.
Peb <leaned forward, eyes a bit wide>:  uh pardon me sir, Ah do have some historical expertise on this kind of thing and do have some curiosity about the fine plumbing in this fair city that are well thought out and well-constructed and not at all an unholy aberration
Hanno:  the egg missions are more mah expertise but Ah can see how such a condition could be troubling
Tomtom:  this is also 100gp/person.
Lorcan <incredulous>:  100gp/person?
Tomtom:  yes
Lorcan:  to either find a person, or crawl around in the sewers?!
Peb:  Mr Lorcan Ah promise to point out any flora or fungus for use in your herbalism
Lorcan:  no.
Hanno:  Fulo
Fulo <somewhat sadly>:  I prefer the outdoors, but it seems to me that duty calls.
Peb:  Tomtom, does the contract specify remove the blockage, or…
Tomtom:  prefer removal.
Peb:  for a fee
Tomtom:  100gp/person.
Peb:  but this is mah family business, and traditionally has rates
Tomtom:  hopefully if you remove the blockage, it will just flow.  Also the cart will not really fit in a sewer.
Peb:  ah
Lorcan <bitterly>:  do we visit Lizzie Brannan first?
Tomtom:  probably; she can point you to where you need to go
Peb:  I need some heal pots first
<Lorcan had promised to make Peb a healing potion, but there's not been enough time.>
Tomtom:  talk to the quartermaster; but go talk to Lizzie Brannan once you are ready.

They left to visit the quartermaster, a Maker gnome named Zannawocket, and Peb bought some healing potions.  Lorcan did too, as well as some of the constituent herbs, but in a slightly different proportion, so he could make another potent poison, but he was as quiet about it as Peb was ostentatious, with their rumbly voice using so many words just to stock up on necessities.

The Freelancers walked over to the Mayor's Office, which was just off of Pegasus Square to the north of their tavern.  Lizzie Brannan had her own office in the building, and they were quickly shown to her office.

Lizzie herself was a human with a large amount of wavy red hair, with pale skin and a few freckles, and she was wearing a breastplate.  She had a mechanical badger the size of a mastiff sitting in a corner of the crowded office.  A warhammer, shield, and heavy crossbow leaned against the end of her desk away from the badger.  There were two guest chairs, but they were covered in drawings and maps, and some were stacked on the floor.  The top of her desk was relatively clear.

She looked up at the four Freelancers, who all sort of stood like Peb did normally, trying not to disturb or touch the furniture (or at least, the piles of drawings).  "Oo, yah, are you the Freelancers, come to help?" she asked.  She didn't say help with what.

Hanno:  Ah guess since you asked Freelancers to investigate, it's not a simple blockage.
Lizzie <shook her head sadly>:  oh, no, the blockage, should flow once cleared it, but "recalcitrant" – it's fighting back.
Peb:  could you describe what you have tried, to clear the blockage in your very fine sewers <that last was sarcastic in tone>
<Lizzie pulled a rolled-up map from the top of a pile, and laid it out on her desk.  The Freelancers peered at it, Lorcan on his toes.>
Lizzie:  when a couple sewage workers went to repave the wall <pointed> they thought it had fallen in – but when they got there, the muck fought back.  They had shovels
Peb:  can Ah ask about the shovels to remove the blockage?  Were they, uh, standard, or this size?  <pointed to the large shovel strapped to their back.>
Lizzie <shook her head>:  they had standard shovels
Peb:  the sewer workers, they aren't unionized, are they?
Lizzie:  they have a guild.
Peb:  very well, then.  <looked off to the side>
Lorcan:  what does "the muck fought back" mean?  How does muck fight?
Lizzie:  kind of like the stones at the dam came alive and fought.  Seems like that?  Maybe ambient magic, or elemental.
Lorcan <alarmed>:  where does Cliffshadow get its water from?
Hanno:  you think the pollution has made its way here?
Lizzie:  an aqueduct to the north from River of Dreams.  There are also reservoirs between here and Orderly Stones monastery.
Hanno:  you know what a froggoth is?
Lizzie:  no
Peb:  where does the dung go, once it flows out?

Lizzie started explaining about purification and conversion to fertilizer, and Peb, realizing this displaced traditional dung-carting in the rural areas, exclaimed, "Ah, I see!" very loudly.  But the conversation then shifted to directions, and Lizzie showed the Freelancers where to go to the nearest upstream side of the sewer blockage.  Peb and Lorcan argued and got her to give them directions to the nearest downstream side as well.

The Freelancers opted to go to the upstream side anyhow, the entrance to which was a staffed station.  While on the way, Peb stopped at a coffee shoppe, and bought coffee and doughnuts for the staff there.  Once they continued to the station, Hanno asked, "anyone need a light?"

Peb did, but said warningly, "do not want flammable."  Hanno cast light on the blade of the Rock sagani's shovel, which poked over their shoulder.  "Well, Ah'll be," Peb said.

They passed a supply shop and Lorcan bought a 10' pole, which he looked ridiculous carrying.  Fulo just followed along, no doubt contemplating his life choices.

The station staff had been warned by Lizzie to expect the Freelancers, and when Peb produced the coffee and doughnuts, were happy someone appreciated them.  And then they were descending into the sewers, the workers wishing them good luck and munching on doughnuts.

Peb led the way with Lorcan behind them; followed by Fulo, and Hanno bringing up the rear.  The sewer design was an arched overhead, with a narrow walkway alongside the waste channel.

Beyond the overwhelming smell of the waste of the entire city of Cliffshadow (well, that's what Lorcan and Fulo were thinking), the four of them were also preoccupied.  Fulo was getting alarmed that the muck might get into his white fluffy fur.  Hanno was noticing the sewage level was rising; Peb and Lorcan realized it was not rising fast enough to indicate the sewer was entirely blocked.

They got to  a section that was straight as far as they could see (which was at best, 60'), and the sewage started lapping up on the walkway.  Peb signalled a halt, and looked around.  Judging it was safe to do so, they lit a torch.

The torch didn't penetrate all the way to the end of the hall, but it did mean Peb no longer needed light on their shovel.  Lorcan pulled out a blowgun needle, and Hanno cast light on that.  Taking his time to aim, Lorcan blew the needle down the hallway with a perfect shot.  <Narrator voice:  of all the times to roll a nat 20.>  100' down the hall, the light-imbued needle stuck in the muck… and did not sink.

Sticking up above the walkway, all the way across the sewer, it looked like a beaver dam… of shit.

Near it, the sewage flow was not moving quite right.  It looked like there were 4 tiny mounds of muck sticking out of the sewage, almost like a standing wave.  The haze over the flow on the walkway appeared to be cohesive.

Lorcan stared at these closely, and concluded they were actually elementals, although he'd never thought of sewage as an element.  Probably, Peb did.

Lorcan took his time to aim, and then sent a blowgun needle past anything that could have possibly been anything resembling a useful target.

• Fulo, who'd been relatively quiet the entire time, uttered a string of magical words, and his quarterstaff started to hum as shillelagh took effect.
• The cohesive haze moved forward, and the Freelancers realized it was a stench mephit.  It waved its arms in a cast… and Fulo fell asleep.
• The haze behind it also resolved into a stench mephit, and it waved its arms weirdly.  A third stench mephit appeared behind it!
• Peb was thunderstruck.  "It is–" they started, "Ah have only heard this in LEGENDS!"  They looked at the mephits.  "The living poop!  The dung that duplicates!" they declared.
  • Peb patted at their belt pouches, and glass clinked.  They handed the torch to Lorcan, and said solemnly, "Ah understand how unlikely this may seem, but Ah have a Plan."  They handed the bag of dungbullets to Lorcan too.  "Torch and dung bullets, hand to Fulo when he awakes," Peb instructed Lorcan, who now had his hands full.
  • "Hanno, if you light up my shit-sticking stick, Ah'll stick it into our Enemy," Peb continued, equipping his shield and trident.  Peb moved forward.
• Two mounds of the sewage resolved as muck mephits.  One moved forward next to the closest stench mephit.  It waved its arms but nothing happened.
• The other muck mephit also moved forward, and summoned a third.
• Hanno obliged Peb by stepping up to them and casting light on their trident, whereupon Peb recklessly attacked the stench mephit.  The trident passed through it, hurting it badly.
  • Hanno cast spiritual weapon in between the two muck mephits, which critfailed on its strike.

Lorcan looked at Fulo, behind him, asleep in the muck lapping onto the walkway.  He stowed the dung bullets and cast sleep on all those pieces of shit.  The only mephit that went to sleep was the one hit with Peb's trident, leaving Lorcan extremely unhappy with his life choices.

• The stench mephits walked past Peb and Hanno.
  • Peb kicked one, hard.
• Peb put their shield back on their back, pulling out their giant shovel.  They attacked the mephit they'd just kicked, killing it.
  • The mephit exploded into a cloud of sewer gas, and Hanno and Peb had to clench their teeth to avoid vomiting.
  • Peb waded into the sewage where the mephit had been.
• The closest muck mephit moved up to Hanno and belched horribleness on the half-orc.  Hanno did manage to avoid the bulk of it.
• The other muck mephit moved towards Peb; and the one it had summoned woke up the sleeping stench mephit.
• Hanno had the spiritual weapon attack… well, we're not sure, becuase Hanno was not paying close attention so it critfailed and got stuck in the sewage.
  • The half-orc cast bane on the closest three mephits.  The muck mephit back aways avoided the effect.

Lorcan, unhappy with his life choices, and needing both hands for the blowgun, woke up Fulo.  He handed the fluffy nekomata the torch and the dung bullets, and explained how to use them, and told Fulo they weren't as gross as it sounded.  Peb called back, "Just snap'em off!"

• Fulo sat up, which brought him eye level with the mephits.  He stood up, pulling out a sling, and shot the closest muck mephit with a dung bullet.  Then he moved in front of Lorcan.
• The summoned stench mephit moved a little forward, then gesticulated, summoning another one 10' behind it.
• The baned stench mephit let out a mighty stanky cone of gas, which caught everyone but Lorcan.  Peb & Hanno eyes watered, but poor Fulo was vomiting from the poison.
• Peb swung their shovel at this stench mephit, but they were too busy dry-heaving from the gas to hit anything.
• The closest muck mephit just hit Hanno.
• The muck mephit behind it dived into the sewage, swam under its compatriot, and tried to hit Peb.  It missed, so swam back to where it was.
  • Hanno tried to hit it with his spear but whiffed.
• Hanno stepped back from these mephits, both of which attacked him.  The stench mephit missed, but the muck mephit hit him again, and Hanno killed it with a guiding bolt.

Nobody was near that stench mephit anymore.  Lorcan aimed, then shot it with a blowgun needle.  It died, exploding into another cloud of sewer gas.

• Fulo was still heaving from the stanky cone of gas.
• The newly-summoned stench mephit moved up and belched another stanky cone of gas on Hanno and Peb.  Hanno started horking then, and was unable to maintain the bane.
• The no-longer baned stench mephit clawed at Peb, and crit, but they shook much of it off with their rage.
• Peb was muttering about getting their shit-stickin' stick back, and recklessly attacked the stench mephit who'd belched with their shovel.  Then they climbed out of the sewage back onto the walkway.
• The two muck mephits moved to Peb, one actually through the stench mephit.  They both tried to hit the Rock sagani, and one managed a glancing blow.
  • Peb looked down at them and said, "Y'all so cute, Ah can't help myself!"
• Hanno managed to stop vomiting, and cast toll the dead on the stench mephit Peb had hit.  The meditation gong sounded quite out of place in the noisome sewer.

Lorcan, wanting these gas-generating mephits neutralized, aimed and shot the injured stench mephit with another blowgun needle.  It exploded into a cloud of sewer gas, enveloping Peb and Hanno.  Hanno resumed retching, and Lorcan said, "Sorry!" somewhat insincerely.

• Fulo stopped throwing up, and immediately used his sling to hit the nearest muck mephit with another dung bullet.
  • Lorcan said sternly, "Get behind me."  Startled, Fulo replied, "Uh, okay," and moved to the other side of Lorcan.
• Good thing too, as the last stench mephit belched even more stanky gas on Peb and Hanno!  Not that it made any difference as Hanno still had the heaves.
• Peb recklessly struck the closest muck mephit, which was still in the sewage, with their shovel.
  • They moved to pick up to their trident, still shining with light.  The muck mephit hit them, but the rage shook most of it off.
  • They moved back, and the other muck mephit tried to hit Peb, but missed.
• That muck mephit stepped up (although it too was in the sewage) and hit Peb almost as hard.
• The injured one hit Peb with a glancing blow.
• Hanno recovered finally, and cast toll the dead on the injured muck mephit, which collapsed back into sewage.

Lorcan aimed, then crit the remaining stench mephit, which also exploded into a ball of gas, again all over Hanno and Peb.  This time, Peb was overcome and started puking into the sewage.

• Fulo loaded another dung bullet into his sling and missed his timing, the bullet bouncing off the arched sewer ceiling and hitting himself.  Ears flat, he backed up from the remaining muck mephit.
• Peb, still raging, managed to stop vomiting, and recklessly scooped at the muck mephit with their shovel, trying to subdue it.  They'd gotten the notion of getting the muck mephit into one of their bottles.
  • "Ah would be very obliged, if you not kill this one," the big Rock sagani shouted.  "Ah have a thing – Ah, uh, can handle this one."
• While Peb was shouting, the muck elemental crit them, but Peb was too enraged to feel most of the damage.
• Hanno stepped up and tried to hit the muck mephit with his spear, but missed because the half-orc's attention was more on Peb, giving them a look that plainly said WTF.
  • No longer distracted by puking, Hanno moved the spiritual weapon up to the mephit.

Lorcan looked at Peb, then looked at the muck elemental.  Eyes narrowing, he tried to decide if it would spawn yet another disgusting copy.  The Pastoral gnome loaded his blowgun again, ready to shoot the mephit if it tried.

• Fulo prepared to dodge.
• Peb again recklessly smacked the mephit with their shovel, and the creature was unconscious on the walkway of the sewer.

Peb immediately brought out 5 mason jars.  Fulo cast guidance on them, and Peb tried to scoop the "duplicatin' dung" into the mason jars.  However it was actually a mephit, so in the end, Peb had to dismember it to get it into the jars.

Despite casting guidance, Fulo was as confused as Hanno and Lorcan as to why Peb would do this at all.  For their own part, Peb couldn't tell if the poo they were putting in the jars was still alive.

Peb:  thank y'all.
Hanno <sighed>:  can we get through to the dam to see there's nothing left spawning the shit?
Peb:  good point.
Lorcan:  I am not walking through foot-deep shit.

They came up with a plan:  Lorcan would hold the 10' pole, and Hanno cast light on one end of it, to aid with their investigation.  Peb walked up to the dam, as did Hanno, but Fulo also hesitated.  Peb poked at it with their shovel, but it was just crap from the city residents, maintained by the elementals, nothing valuable.

The Freelancers turned around and retraced their steps to the entry station.  On the way there, Hanno cast healing word on Fulo.

At the entry station, Peb told the sanitation workers, "It's done."  Hanno added, "It's safe."  some of them grabbed equipment and protective gear and headed into the sewers.  Two stayed behind, and grabbed a broom thing.  Wielding it on the Freelancers, they used the broom to prestidigitate all the foulness off.

Hanno and Lorcan were delighted at this thing.  The result was the Freelancers were mostly presentable, although there was a lingering stench.  The group took their leave of the station, and Peb cast pass without trace on them all, "To reduce looks from others," they explained.

At Lizzie Brannan's small office, she held potpourri to her nose, and quickly dispensed the 100gp to each Freelancer.  

Lizzie:  will get the full report later
Hanno:  poop elementals.
Peb:  it was indeed duplicating dung, Ah have collected samples, if you want to research it.
Lizzie <concerned>:  be careful with that.
Peb:  Ah'm a professional

The Freelancers took their leave of Lizzie, with Peb looking a bit judgementally at Lizzie's potpourri handkerchief.  They returned to Freelancers Tavern, and directly to Tomtom's office.  Hanno's face was amused as Peb dropped the pass without trace.

Tomtom was less bothered by the stench than others would be; after all he was used to being in the stables.  He was unhappy with the shitter marks though (prestidigitation wasn't perfect).  There was a pause, as everyone waited for Peb to speak.

Peb:  yes, it was, uh, a perilous mission.  We faced the deadly duplicatin' dung of legend, and Ah even collected samples for future study.
<While Peb was talking, everyone gave Tomtom the 10% Freelancers cut.>
Tomtom:  I'm dubious about the wisdom of collecting samples.
Hanno:  maybe wizards could study it.
Tomtom <grimacing>:  make sure it does not get out of the jars; Arnari would murder all of us.
Peb:  do not worry, sir, Ah am a professional.  Ah would not bring dung where it does not belong.  <to the other Freelancers> Ah appreciate your help.  Please, accept mah cut.
<Peb tried to hand 25gp to each of the others, and Tomtom frowned slightly.>
Hanno <palm vertical>:  spend it on that mule of yours.
Peb:  Mary Jane is fine.
Hanno:  no; she needs more care.
Lorcan:  not part of the contract.
<Peb gave 75gp to Fulo, then.>
Fulo <looked at all this gold>:  this is a weird intro to Freelancers.
Hanno <amused again>:  what?  Fall asleep in a sewer, then hit yourself?

The Freelancers filed out of Tomtom's office, with Lorcan beelining for the baths.  Tomtom watched them go, sitting back in his chair thoughtfully.

• Fulo → lvl1 artificer!