Tale View

On the morning of Petraag, a group of Freelancers is eating breakfast at the tavern in Cliffshadow. Tim Jolly is carefully dipping his toast into a strange white paste he calls “ranch dressing” while Aranel gives him a bit of side eye for his bad manners. Dominic Holyarm is working intensely on the custom saddle he’s building for his new griffin, Wilson, while Murai sits next to him shining their shinies. Shimni attempts to slip in unnoticed after Ozo the Humble drops her off in his carriage, but even after she casts Pass Without Trace, the others still give her friendly nods as she joins them. 

They start discussing the recent missions that the Freelancer’s have taken. Mostly recently, a group tracked migrating goblins back to their home and learned that they had been fleeing an unnamed threat. Before that, a different group had traveled to Mantsur to rid the area of a hag pretending to be a hermit, rescuing some wolves from her control.

After their talk, the group decides to go to Arnari’s office and take a mission of their own. Aranel immediately settles into a front chair, crossing her ankles like the lady she is. Shimni sits right by the door where she can be subtle, while Tim chooses a position where he can watch the entrance. Murai makes sure they sit next to Aranel and pirate spreads into her space, ruining her crossed ankles. Meanwhile, Dominic peacefully looks at the map he drew on the wall while Arnari is sitting behind her desk playing her beautiful harp. 

When everyone is settled, Arnari extracts some pieces of paper from the piles on her desk to propose missions. She reads off:

• A dog eared mission to collect Hippogriff eggs for 100 eagles per egg or 10 eggs for a trained mount
• Another dog eared mission to collect Griffin eggs for 150 eagles per egg or 10 eggs for a trained mount
• A final folded paper to go to the Piratesdream river and clean up any abominations they might find, paying 100 eagles and an uncommon potion for each Freelancer
• A new mission from the Typhoon to investigate who in Stormhaven might have been selling the Wofkiss Inn thieves Daystar lotion, paying 100 eagles for each Freelancer

After some discussion, the Freelancers decide to go to the Piratesdream River to continue the cleanup process, taking the road for easy travel. With that, it will be three days of travel, so they take a stop to purchase rations for the road before they leave. When Dudley turns up his nose at the rations, Tim offers to make him Goodberries instead, which he concedes to eat because they are slightly shiny due to Tim’s wizard powers.

The Freelancers then set off for the Piratesdream river, passing by the Wolfkiss inn construction site to camp overnight. The construction is progressing well now that the thefts have stopped. The next night, they stay at the Hippogriff’s Wing when Aranel demands fine accommodation in exchange for a night of camping. On the third evening, the Freelancers are able to stay at the Biting Badger at the mouth of the Piratesdream River and eat their famous fish dishes. 

Before turning in for the night, the Freelancers decide to look around the dam area a bit. It’s a pleasant day, with nothing particularly out of place except for the spots that the dam has been repaired recently. Unfortunately, Murai is distracted by drawing designs on their plate armor to help it sparkle more. Dudley takes this as an opportunity to chase after a rabbit in the bushes while Murai hangs on for dear life. Once Dudley does catch the rabbit, he swallows it whole.

“What a mediocre boy,” Murai exclaims at him while giving him a pat. The scene inspires Aranel to play a dirge for the rabbit, but unfortunately she mostly just makes some terrible noises instead. It does sound kind of like a dying rabbit though, so there’s that. 

In pursuit of something more pleasant than dying rabbit noises, the group then heads back into town for the evening. Sitting down in the tavern, Dominic tries to listen for rumors of anything strange in the area. Murai and Aranel sit with him, Murai drinking improbable amounts of beer and Aranel sipping at a lovely ruby port. Shimni wanders off to find someone to play dragonchess with, and does a little victory dance when she wins the game. Meanwhile, Tim simply snacks and people watches. He has produced more “ranch dressing” from somewhere for his food. 

Tim and Murai, focused on their snacks and drinks, don’t hear much useful information. Aranel and Dominic, however, overhear a group of people who look like hunters complaining about some nasty flying creatures in the area. They don’t sound like griffins or anything else that the hunters are familiar with. Aranel and Dominic wander over the hunters to try and learn more. 

“I couldn’t help but overhear about those nasty birds,” Aranel says in a friendly fashion, “how far are they up the river?”. With a 27 persuasion she immediately wins the hunters over, and one explains that they saw very nasty large birds. They’re not big enough to carry you off, but big enough to be annoying. But if you’re sneaky along the pirate side of the river, past the fork, you’ll be just fine. 

Dominic wonders aloud what it would be worth to the hunters to have that problem “taken care of”, or even to have the wizard “taken care of”. They just roll their eyes at the first offer, knowing full well that Dominic is with the Freelancers and is already being paid handsomely. The second hint just seems to confuse them, since the Freelancers already asked the wizard to stop. Thankfully, Aranel manages to smooth over Dominic’s suggestion of less tactful action. As they head back to the others, though, Aranel confides to Dominic that she thinks the wizard is still polluting the river. After some further chatter, the Freelancers turn in for the night.

The next morning, the group rises early and leaves to search for the rumored Fizz Buzzards. After some discussion, they decide to travel overland straight toward the Pirate River. Dominic leads the group with a 24 survival, creating an uneventful day as he nimbly steers them around a group of giant elk grazing near the river. As night approaches, he even finds an excellent camping spot at the edge of the woods. Aranel offers to play Shamisen to attract anything odd to the group, but since dark is approaching, the Freelancers decide against her suggestion. 

As they keep watch, Dominic (18 perception) and Shimni (6 perception) only hear the normal forest noises, though to Shimni they might as well be traffic noises for all she understands. Aranel stands second watch (21 perception), and entertains herself identifying the exact pitches of all the bird calls. When Murai (12 perception) and Shimni (18 perception) keep watch, they simply dismiss all the sounds of the night creatures.

In the morning, Dominic has an idea to ask the other birds where they might have seen the enormous buzzards. With a 17 survival to find more helpful birds, he ritual casts speak to animals by scattering a batch of fresh bird treats around the campsite. From the outside he mostly looks like a man feeding birds, and Dudley tries to eat the bird snacks. 

Songbirds start to arrive, and provide “helpful advice” in the form of rhyming couples. A black and red bushshrike sings “Your feathers are ruffled, your notes out of tune/You sing like a cat that's been hit with a spoon”. An oriole adds that “You squawk and you screech, you're such a sad sight/Your voice is so grating, it gives us a fright” before a robin sings “You think you can sing, but we all disagree/You sound like a frog with a bad case of fleas”.  

All the birds continue in this vein for some time, drawing the attention of a group of curious crows. While one lands on Dominic’s hand to talk to him, two others begin harassing Dudley, causing him to dash back and forth, barking furiously. Shimni attempts to feed them, but they’re pretty focused on messing with the dog. 

Laughingly, the crow offers to Dominic that “you are providing entertainment for us, how can I provide entertainment in return?”. Dominic asks the crow about whether it has seen any stranger birds lately, and where they might be. The crow mentions that it has seen two large vultures to the northwest, and warns Dominic that they are VERY mean. Though it admits that the strangest bird it has seen was definitely the goose with the seven heads. It has seen at least two of the buzzards, and warns Dominic to make sure to stay spread out. 

Eventually the birds get tired of insulting the freelancers and tormenting Dudley, and the Freelancers head in the direction that the helpful crow indicated, moving quietly. Dominic navigates ably with a 28 survival. The party manages to stay pretty quiet, following the exact way Dominic indicates, until they arrive at a large meadow southwest of the river. 

In the center of the meadow there’s an enormous tree, splashed all around my acid scorches. In two big branches, there is an enormous bird of prey nest made of what seem more like tree trunks than tree branches. In the nest, there are two enormous birds. Without further consultation, the Freelancers attack.

Having successfully snuck up on the nest, the Freelancers start with a surprise round. 

Initiative order: Shimni 22, Aranel 20, Murai 9, Tim 6, Dominic 5

Surprise round:

• Shimni hexes one of the fizzbuzzards, then hits it with an earthen blast before retreating 50 feet away. The buzzard takes 10 points of force damage, 6 points of necrotic damage, and is pushed back 10 feet.
• Aranel casts dissonant whispers on the other buzzard, causing it to take 13 points of psychic damage and immediately start running away from Aranel. Finally, she plays her flute to mimic bird calls, inspiring Murai to fight harder.
• Murai upcasts Bless, granting everyone except Shimni an extra 1d4 to attacks and saves. 
• Tim casts toll the dead on the first fizzbuzzard, causing it to take 8 damage and start to look bloodied.
• Dominic takes on the archer starry form, then fires at the second fizzbuzzard, missing. He then casts moonbeam directly above the tree.

Round 1:

• Shimni hits the first fizzbuzzard with another earthen blast for 16 points of damage. As the enormous rock comet hits it square in the chest, its chest caves in and it falls from the sky, stone dead. Shimni them moves closer to the remaining fizzbuzzard.
• Aranel continues to keep an eye on the tree, and prepares a vicious mockery for the next unpleasant creature that comes within range.
• The remaining fizzbuzzard charges through a group of three Freelancers riding Moonbeam. Thankfully, everyone succeeds on the dex saving throw and manages to dodge mostly out of the way as the fizzbuzzard tumbles through the sky, acting more like a buzz saw of beak and claws than a normal bird. 
  • The attack causes Aranel’s vicious mockery to file, and she taunts the bird, saying “What kind of flying is that? You look like a damn saw!” Unfortunately, the bird is unaffected.
  • In the nest where the moonbeam is shining down, the Freelancers can hear a faint sound of eggs cracking, and yolk starts to drip down the tree.
  • A third fizzbuzzard flies out of the trees to the north, and attacks Shimni. It manages to miss so epically, however, that the gods take pity on it and heal its companion with a second level healing word.
  • A fourth fizzbuzzard attacks Murai, snapping at them with its beak. Aranel responds by hitting it with silvery barbs for 6 points of piercing damage.
• Murai casts guiding bolt on the fourth fizzbuzzard, dealing 16 points radiant damage.
• Tim hits the second, most damaged, fizzbuzzard with a witch bolt for 12 points of damage.
• Dominic shoots another star shot, but misses again. Hit by the recoil, he falls prone but manages to stay on Wilson with a 21 save. Scrambling back into the saddle, he moves the moonbeam onto the second, most damaged, fizzbuzzard.

Round 2:

• Shimni attacks the fourth fizzbuzzard, moving her hex to it and then casting earthen blast for 16 points of damage. She then dodges back to the northeast to stay out of range.
• Aranel casts dissonant whispers on the fourth fizzbuzzard, it takes 15 points psychic damage and immediately starts to run as far away from Aranel as it can get. Using her mantle of inspiration, Aranel manages to look so fabulous that the whole party starts to feel better and is granted 5 temporary hit points.
• The second fizzbuzzard takes 10 points of radiant damage from moonbeam. Annoyed, it circles around to attack Dominic, slashing with its claws for 10 points of damage. However, Dominic maintains his concentration.
• The fourth fizzbuzzard attacks Murai again, managing to hit Dudley solidly for 11 points of slashing damage, and dealing a glancing blow to Murai for 5 points of damage.
• The third fizzbuzzard also attacks Murai, scraping along Dudley and Murai’s sides for 4 points of slashing damage.
• Murai casts lay on hands, healing Dudley for 15 hit points.
• Tim fires another witchbolt at the second buzzard for 8 points of damage.
• Dominic brings Wilson close to the tree, allowing Tim to climb off into the bird nest. Then he commands Wilson to attack the second fizzbuzzard. Wilson shreds into it with 15 slashing damage, almost ripping it in half as it dies. Wilson then attempts to go after the fourth fizzbuzzard, but misses, so Dominic attacks it with a flameblade for 11 points of fire damage.

Round 3:

• Shimni tries to shoot the fourth fizzbuzzard again, but the magic seems to scramble somehow and go wrong. It backfires, turning all of Shimni and Aranel’s weapons into… food items? Daggers become hot dogs, Aranel’s rapier becomes an impressively large salami. Seeing the chaos she has created, Shimni backs away from the zone of combat.
• Waving her salami sword threateningly, Aranel casts Vicious Mockery at the fourth fizzbuzzard, insulting Shimni and the buzzard’s ancestors in no uncertain terms to deal 4 points of psychological damage. Aranel also encourages Dominic with inspiration, shouting across the battlefield to “Use your flaming sword with dignity!” as she continues to wave her sausage around.
• The third fizzbuzzard buzzes Dominic as he rides Wilson, dealing 4 points of damage to Dominic and 8 points to Wilson.
• The fourth fizzbuzzard attacks Aranel with its beak for 9 points of piercing damage.
• Murai smacks the third fizzbuzzard with their boat hook, sending it to the ground and killing it. Using their second attack, they shoot an arrow into the fourth fizzbuzzard.
• Tim fires a chromatic orb at the fourth fizzbuzzard, hitting it for 22 points of lightning damage and killing it extremely dead.

With the fizzbuzzards now dead, Aranel lands her mount and strides up to Shimni. She starts to shake sausages at her and rant about DIGNITY and POISE and NOT INTERFERING. Shimni simply nods, a blank look on her face.

Meanwhile, Tim flies up to investigate the fizzbuzzard nest. With a 23, he finds five or six smashed eggs nestled in about 151 eagles worth of coins. Tucked into one side of the nest is a small cache containing a filigreed copper chalice, a pair of engraved bone dice, a scroll tube, and a vial of unknown red potion. When Tim opens the scroll case, with a 22 arcana they easily determine that it is a scroll of shatter, and that the potion is a potion of healing. 

Wearily, the Freelancers gather to head back to Lakeview before returning home to Cliffshadow. They decide that Tim will keep the scroll, and that the coins found in the nest will be split evenly. During their evening rest in Lakeview, Tim successfully copies Shatter into his spell book. 

After returning to Cliffshadow, the Freelancers report to Arnari, and receive 90 eagles and an uncommon portion as their compensation for the job. Arnari is also distinctly unhappy about the continuing presence of strange beasts near the wizard tower. She mutters, half to herself, that someone will need to go speak to the wizard again, and Aranel heartily agrees.